I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
