Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
