You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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