is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
