I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
