Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize