i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
