Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
