Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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