Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
