The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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