i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
