I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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