Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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