I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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