I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
