twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
