All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
