I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
