Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
