I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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