The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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