i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
