Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
