you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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