Just fell off a train. Bad.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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