I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
