Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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