Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
