it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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