The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
