I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
