you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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