so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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