The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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