u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
