That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
