I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
