sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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