No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
