i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
