you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
