we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
