my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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