somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
