fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
