therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
are you so shy because you have an std?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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