We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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