WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
They have beer where we have blood.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
