...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
