oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
