Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
they need to just BURY HIM!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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