shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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