you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
