Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
