At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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