I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
