hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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