Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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