bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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