The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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