So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
