that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm too high and old for this...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
