how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
