i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
