I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
