Betty ford says i'm here all night
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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