The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
