Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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