my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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