My room smells like vodka and shame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
